. . . Are You Asking For It?

Have you ever heard of the phrase “well she asked for it”? You know, when someone was talking about a guy grabbing or hitting on a woman that is clearly not interested in them. Then, when she turns around and complains, someone says “oh well, she was dressed a certain way. She clearly was asking for it.”

Well. . .

That’s not how it works.

So, for those who are confused, I have a little public service announcement for you:

Just because a woman dresses a certain way — whether it’s a revealing skirt or outfit — does not mean it’s an automatic yes. It does not mean that she wants to sleep with you, and that you shouldn’t ask permission before you put your hands on her.

In fact, if she looks uninterested and you continue to do so, then you not only look like a terrible person, but you also are assaulting her. And, being really creepy.

There is a sense of entitlement that pulses through those out there — and believe me, there are quite a few guys out there that think that way — that a guy can have any girl that they please. Some even go as far as proclaiming that they can have any girl that they want. Those are the guys that are responsible for the catcalling, who live on Tinder looking for the one thing, and the guys who honestly don’t care about much else other than to get what they want and need. Those men expect women to just deliver that just because they want it.

And, that is completely wrong — and you’re forcing someone into something they don’t want to do.

For those who think that way, let me introduce you to my friend. His name is respect. Respect a woman and her rejection if she does reject you. Respect her decision. Respect her body. Respect her.

I think there should be a golden rule when it comes to dating. That rule should be this: think about your sister/daughters. How would you want them to be treated by a guy? Would you want someone to talk to them in the same way you are talking to that girl in the short skirt?

If not, then here’s a word of advice — don’t do it. That woman that you’re hitting on is someone’s daughter. She is someone’s sister. She is someone’s friend. But most importantly, she is human, and she deserves the same amount of respect that you think you do as well.

The take home message here — treat a woman with respect and don’t be rude. End of story.

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Ladies, Get Off Your High Heels

It’s 2017, yet there are so many old fashioned notions about dating that existed when my grandfather was courting my grandfather —  in the ‘50s.

Don’t be the one who pursues a guy, that looks desperate. Let him pursue you.

You shouldn’t kiss one a first date.

The guy should be the one paying.

Actually, I can sit here all day and name all of them out there. However, for time’s sake, I’ll leave it at those.

Dating has shifted in so many ways. What we call a relationship has shifted in so many ways as well — we have friends with benefits, bae, partner, and everything in between. Nowadays, Netflix and chill sessions are considered to be a date. Sad, but true. Even the way people are meeting has changed too — we’re using apps like Tinder and OkCupid in the attempts to find a mate.

While all of this change, I think the way that women should approach dating should. I think we should move towards more equality towards the sexes. I think that women should be able to make the first moves, if they want to. I think that they should text first, if they want to. I think they should ask the guy that they like out, not because they are desperate, but because they want to get to know that person.

I’m not going to lie — I think it’s nice when a guy wants to take the wheel and ask the girl out. It takes balls to do so. It’s nice to have a guy that tells you that he wants to go out with you, and wants to spend time with you.

I think though, by the guy doing all of the work, it can get frustrating on their part. That is similar to making the guy always pay. Sure, it’s a nice gesture especially in the beginning, but if you’ve been dating a while it gets expensive on their part. After all, boyfriends aren’t ATM machines. So, every once in awhile, I think women should further treat their fellas out for a nice dinner.

With that being said, aren’t relationships supposed to be mutual? If the guy and the girl both like each other, does it really matter who messaged who first, who pays or who asked the other to hang out? Because ladies, let’s face it — if we waited for men to read our minds, then we will be waiting an awfully long time. By having that equality helps each of you learn to love and respect the other for more than material goods and stupid protocol.

So, if Hillary won the popular vote, then you could surely take the plunge and ask that guy you’ve been flirting with for his number. It will have one of two outcomes — be a complete and total disaster or you’ll have his phone number.

Too Much?

When it comes to dating, I am the type of woman that knows what she wants. I also am the type of women that does not take any crap from anyone — whether it may be a friend who is upsetting or annoying me, a guy that won’t leave me alone, or a guy that uses cheesy pick up lines in the hopes that will make me weak in the knees.

Lately, I’ve been on a bit of an online dating kick. When I talk to guys, I don’t put on a facade or pretend that I am someone I’m not. Instead, I am sarcastic and witty. I also am not afraid to go after whatever it is I want, and sure as will send the first message. Why? Because rules are stupid, and if I want to talk to someone, I will. And, if someone is trying to use some cheesy line on me, that sure as hell ain’t gonna happen either.

For some guys, it can be a bit of a turn off. That is a complete and total mystery if you ask me. I can not tell you how many times a guy has unmatched me because I saw right through the cheesy pick up line, made a clear attempt to get to know him or because I clearly stated what I want.

Well, I am so sorry for not falling for that cheesy line you’ve used for every girl on the app that you match with. I am so sorry for knowing what I want, and for not being afraid to ask for it. I am sorry for not falling all over you, and losing my dignity because I want to date you. 

As a woman in the dating world — or looking for love — I am tired of feeling as if I have to be submissive to someone else. Yes, I can be too much. Sometimes, it can be too much to handle. However, if a guy is turned off by a strong, smart mouthed woman, who knows what she wants, then he is not the guy I want to date.

Plain and simple.