Relationships

The Man Factor

Since my last relationship ended in August of last year, I decided to take a time out from dating for a period of time. It turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. I began to fall in love with myself, something that is more important than having an ‘in a relationship status’ on Facebook or a Man Crush to post about every Monday if people even post about them anymore.

During that time, I embarked on a journey of self-reflection and growth – kind of like Eat Pray Love without the travel. I learned to be okay with going to coffee shops alone, I learned to go on long hikes with only my iPhone for company, and I began to expand my social circle. I joined a book club, meet friends through a local worship service, and just became comfortable with who I was as a person.

This sounds cliché, but it was just what the doctor ordered. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am in a place where having a boyfriend is nothing but an extra, not something I need like oxygen. Truth be told, I don’t need a guy to feel awesome. And, that is everything.

Right now, I’m in a place in my life where I want to enjoy every second that I can. I want to wander through unknown territories, I want to try new cupcake shops, and I want to enjoy the people I spend my time with, whether they may be friends or lovers. It’s not like I’m chasing away the idea of having a boyfriend – I’m learning to live life in a way that he’s dessert, not the main course.

And for those who ask me to the question don’t you want a boyfriend, here’s my answer: I’m not waiting around for Prince Charming to get his act together, and ride his white horse. Sorry.

However, there are some people who think that just because you don’t have a boyfriend, a pending relationship, or even someone that you’re ‘talking’ to, it means that you are missing something in the equation. And, for some, that may be the case. But, for me, not so much.

Throughout my time alone, I’ve given a lot of thought about the type of relationship I want and the type of guy I deserve. I’m going to share those thoughts with you now, in case you’re interested.

I am looking for the best and nothing less. Why? Because I deserve it. I deserve a guy that will bring me flowers, one that isn’t afraid to pick me up at home and shake hands with my mother. I deserve a guy that takes me to the movies, to dinner, anywhere pretty much that’s not his bed. I deserve real dates, not just a Netflix and Chill session in your bed. I deserve someone will treat me like I am the best damn thing that happened to me, because trust me, I am. And, I am not afraid to ask for it.
I’m also not afraid to demand what I want. I want someone who respects me, and my friends. I want someone who is not afraid to proclaim his feelings for me. I want nights of great conversation and to spend a good length of time getting to know this imaginary Prince Charming before committing. I want someone who makes me grin like an idiot, and someone who makes me laugh.

And, I’m going to hold out until I meet this person, because not only do I deserve it, but I respect myself enough to not settle for anything less.

At the end of the day, I’ve learned to not be afraid of being alone. I learned not to be afraid to tell someone what I want. And, most importantly, I learned that I deserve to be happy more than I need to find someone to call bae.

Relationships

A Response To A Huffington Post Article

Recently, I’ve read this article on the Huffington Post about how marriage is celebrated as being a bigger accomplishment than doing something such as a college graduation or another professional kind of accomplishment. After reading this article, I had given it great thought, as I agreed strongly with the writer’s point of view.

Last summer, I met the band Kansas, which is to date one of my biggest accomplishments. When I posted the picture, I only got a few likes on my Instagram. At that same day, a friend of mine posted a picture with her significant other on a trip that they had. That photo got at least double the amount of social media likes.

What I’m complaining about isn’t about the whole “I’m a bitter single girl” matter, rather than it’s about the whole reframing how we value things as a society. It’s 2016. Hillary is running for president, and she’s a freaking badass for lack of better word. There are larger set of accomplishments for women then being able to slip a diamond around their finger, or walking down the aisle wearing a white dress. No offense to those who have done this, but honestly, there needs to be a larger round of appreciation for those who worked hard for what they want, and actually get it.

As I mentioned in a post I wrote last week called “Single by Choice,” I feel that there is nothing wrong with choosing to be more career oriented versus relationship oriented. Granted, relationships are something that should be celebrated, as all kinds of love should be. However, why can’t we apply that same mentality to accomplishments like meeting a band or graduating college? Why can’t we throw a party for ourselves when someone finishes their thesis or gets the job of your dreams? Those are pretty damn big accomplishments if you ask me. Relationships are all about luck and chance. But, there’s nothing left to chance when you graduate college or get the job of your dreams. That is the result of hard work, determination and the power of will.

So, while the picture of a cute couple will rake in the likes for lack of better word, let’s apply that same mentality to the girls who graduated cum laude, the people who get places because they busted their ass to get to that point.

Relationships

Single By Choice?

Six months ago, I would classify being single as being a curse. I wanted a relationship, a boyfriend, a partner. However, six months and a failed relationship later, I now look at my single status as being a blessing, as now I’m taking the time to be alone and better the relationship with myself. Long story short-I’m single by choice.

Before I continue let me say this: if I were to meet a nice guy, I am sure that whole first paragraph will change. However, this next relationship that I will be in with whoever I am meant to be with, I want to make sure I love myself and can make myself happy without having a guy in the picture. After all, if you don’t love yourself, what makes you think you’re going to have a healthy and happy relationship with someone else?

The answer is, you’re not.

A few week ago, I reactivated my Tinder, this time for keeps. I began swiping left and swiping right. I had matched with this guy, let’s call him Bob. We had a lot in common, and soon, we switched from Tinder to texting. After a weekend of texting, I soon realized that I wasn’t interested in that particular person, and began to cut back on the texting. He unfortunately didn’t, and continued to text me for much of the next few days. If I were to not answer for an extended period of time (yes, even though I am a millennial, I do in fact have times when I can’t get to the phone), he would only text me again and again. While I get it that he wanted to get to know me, it honestly creeped me out.  My annoyance quickly bubbled, and I wanted to throw my iPhone 6 against the wall to keep him from texting me anymore.

Okay, I’m being a bit dramatic, but you’re getting the point.

Earlier that weekend before his constant texting, I had went out with one of my friends. I told her that I had met a few guys using Tinder, and have given one my number. She was excited for me, however I interrupted her by saying that I felt that I wasn’t ready to date after my relationship ended three weeks ago. We went back in forth about the issue for a few minutes, until she got her sandwich.

The point of that story is that my decision to be single for a while has absolutely nothing to do with my ex. It has everything to do with me.

There’s something that is wonderful about improving the relationship with yourself instead of constantly searching for a new one to fill the void. This is starting with living a life that is making me happy. Instead of going on dates with a guy, I go on dates with myself, usually to Starbucks or to get some takeout. I make it a point to spend some time doing what I love to do best, whether that is writing in a journal or sketching in my sketchbook. My anxiety attacks, although I have some days when I’m a bit more anxious then normal, are pretty much gone (even though I rarely had them at the time of my breakup with my ex-boyfriend). I schedule time with my friends (and actually go through with the plans). And, I have honestly never been as happy with the life I am choosing to lead. This shift in happiness was something that came within me.

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My new Saturday tradition is to get a coffee and a bagel. This one is from Whitney Donut, which has delicious food!

So while I may not have anyone to be my cuddle partner other than my dog, I am beginning to see improvements in my relationship with myself. And as for the relationship thing, I’ll get there eventually. In the meantime, I have my puppy, my journal, and some Starbucks. And that’s all I really need.