Relationships

Ladies, Get Off Your High Heels

It’s 2017, yet there are so many old fashioned notions about dating that existed when my grandfather was courting my grandfather —  in the ‘50s.

Don’t be the one who pursues a guy, that looks desperate. Let him pursue you.

You shouldn’t kiss one a first date.

The guy should be the one paying.

Actually, I can sit here all day and name all of them out there. However, for time’s sake, I’ll leave it at those.

Dating has shifted in so many ways. What we call a relationship has shifted in so many ways as well — we have friends with benefits, bae, partner, and everything in between. Nowadays, Netflix and chill sessions are considered to be a date. Sad, but true. Even the way people are meeting has changed too — we’re using apps like Tinder and OkCupid in the attempts to find a mate.

While all of this change, I think the way that women should approach dating should. I think we should move towards more equality towards the sexes. I think that women should be able to make the first moves, if they want to. I think that they should text first, if they want to. I think they should ask the guy that they like out, not because they are desperate, but because they want to get to know that person.

I’m not going to lie — I think it’s nice when a guy wants to take the wheel and ask the girl out. It takes balls to do so. It’s nice to have a guy that tells you that he wants to go out with you, and wants to spend time with you.

I think though, by the guy doing all of the work, it can get frustrating on their part. That is similar to making the guy always pay. Sure, it’s a nice gesture especially in the beginning, but if you’ve been dating a while it gets expensive on their part. After all, boyfriends aren’t ATM machines. So, every once in awhile, I think women should further treat their fellas out for a nice dinner.

With that being said, aren’t relationships supposed to be mutual? If the guy and the girl both like each other, does it really matter who messaged who first, who pays or who asked the other to hang out? Because ladies, let’s face it — if we waited for men to read our minds, then we will be waiting an awfully long time. By having that equality helps each of you learn to love and respect the other for more than material goods and stupid protocol.

So, if Hillary won the popular vote, then you could surely take the plunge and ask that guy you’ve been flirting with for his number. It will have one of two outcomes — be a complete and total disaster or you’ll have his phone number.

Relationships

Too Much?

When it comes to dating, I am the type of woman that knows what she wants. I also am the type of women that does not take any crap from anyone — whether it may be a friend who is upsetting or annoying me, a guy that won’t leave me alone, or a guy that uses cheesy pick up lines in the hopes that will make me weak in the knees.

Lately, I’ve been on a bit of an online dating kick. When I talk to guys, I don’t put on a facade or pretend that I am someone I’m not. Instead, I am sarcastic and witty. I also am not afraid to go after whatever it is I want, and sure as will send the first message. Why? Because rules are stupid, and if I want to talk to someone, I will. And, if someone is trying to use some cheesy line on me, that sure as hell ain’t gonna happen either.

For some guys, it can be a bit of a turn off. That is a complete and total mystery if you ask me. I can not tell you how many times a guy has unmatched me because I saw right through the cheesy pick up line, made a clear attempt to get to know him or because I clearly stated what I want.

Well, I am so sorry for not falling for that cheesy line you’ve used for every girl on the app that you match with. I am so sorry for knowing what I want, and for not being afraid to ask for it. I am sorry for not falling all over you, and losing my dignity because I want to date you. 

As a woman in the dating world — or looking for love — I am tired of feeling as if I have to be submissive to someone else. Yes, I can be too much. Sometimes, it can be too much to handle. However, if a guy is turned off by a strong, smart mouthed woman, who knows what she wants, then he is not the guy I want to date.

Plain and simple.

Relationships

Method Behind the Madness

About a few days ago, I was sitting in bed with my dog when I suddenly felt something. No, it wasn’t some weird shooting pain or a realization, but a strong urge.

Shall I leave you in suspense? Can you guess what I felt?

No?

Okay, fine. I’ll tell you.

I felt the urge to date.

Now, many of you know my opinions of my relationship status. I can imagine you all as you’re reading this gathering together and singing a collective Hallejuh, and maybe even recruiting Julie Andrews to sing “The hills are alive . . .”

Maybe I’m being a bit dramatic, but I’ve felt an incredible amount of pressure to find a plus one since my previous relationship ended in August. Almost immediately, I felt almost as if I had said “I’m not ready now,” then I would be attacked for not moving on fast enough. Oh, so this nice guy likes me and wants to date me?!?! Should I jump up and down with excitement, stop what I’m doing, and just be there?

Uhm, hello. No thank you. Who made you the decision maker on what works for me? That position is filled, so I suggest you stop trying to make that choice.

Until now, I had felt that dating was something I did because I was forced to because it was good for me — similar to going to the Dentist. Wait, going to the dentist isn’t that fun?

Well, neither was going on a date.

I actually went on a few dates with some guys, all unsuccessful. And you want to know why?

Of course you do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be sitting here and reading this blog post.

It’s because I wasn’t ready to date. The motivation for me going on those ill fated dates wasn’t because I wanted to get to know the stranger I have been texting. It wasn’t because I wanted to date. It was to shut up everyone who had an opinion about my dating life.

And, that’s not a very good reason to date.

Now, as I finally feel ready to even consider letting another person into my life or even go out on a date without feeling the urge to run away and hide from them, I feel dating is less like an obligation. Plot twist: I feel like it could even be fun!

Although I don’t have any interested parties (other than the guys who keep on texting me and I keep on ignoring), I do know that this will be different than the first few dates I went on all of those months ago.

This time, I won’t be lying to myself or that other person. This time, I truly feel ready to begin dating, to begin the possibility of finding another partner. This time, I am not basing my decision on looking at all of the happy couples on social media, and whining that I am not in the happy couple club.

And you know what? I feel happy, even excited about it!

Yes, it took a lot of time to get to this point. I am not sorry that I took the time that I needed to heal and to feel better. It taught me to listen to myself, my needs, and my wants. I grew, and thought about what I wanted in a relationship and in a partner. And although I am still single as I type these words, I know that when I sit across the lucky fella in a café, I know that he will be someone awesome and worth the wait.

Now, time to enter the Hunger Games . . . Wait, I mean the dating world. Same thing, right?

Relationships

Honest Thoughts About Dating

Let me be bluntly honest by stating that I freaking hate dating. I hate the awkwardness of first dates, the whole DTR (defining the relationship) concept and the rules about what is okay to do at what given stage. I find it both crazy and confusing, and I graduated college with a 3.0 GPA, so I am not that dumb.

Now, I have written a lot about dating and my opinions of it on my blog and other places throughout my career as a writer thus far. I probably will end up repeating some of the things that I have mentioned in those posts, but hopefully whoever is reading this can find some humor in my opinions.

I am currently single, in case you all were not aware. As a single woman in my early 20s, I have friends that are committed in relationships (which I am happy for by the way), and even know a few that are even married. I see these couples, both online and around me, and I can not help but feel like I am the lone single girl (a little melodramatic, but you get the idea) who whines where’s my guy?

While I do crave a relationship some of the time, my current state of mind most of the time is that I am not interested in dating. It is not although I want to remain single forever. It is not that I want to say “fuck you” to the opposite sex and want to never get married or anything like that. It is just that for right this second, I do not see myself dating someone. And, I think that is perfectly okay.

I feel like dating is similar to shopping for the perfect pair of jeans. Sometimes, you get lucky and the first pair that you try on is the perfect pair for you, the kind that fits in all of the right places and makes you look thin. Other times it can be a trial and error process of going to several different stores, and spending several hours trying on different colors and sizes before giving up because you spent the entire afternoon at the mall looking for it, and just want something to eat.

The same rules apply for dating. Sometimes, the first guy you meet after ending a relationship who is the person that makes you laugh and makes you grin like an idiot whenever you think about him/her, and ends up being the next person you are committed to. Other times, it takes kissing several frogs before you find the one, and even taking a break to work on yourself by meeting new friends and trying new things. And both scenarios are perfectly okay.

In the novel “You Are a Badass” by Jen Sincero, Sincero writes that in order to get what you want, you can not force or chase it. I believe that is true. So, I am taking the lunch break before finding that perfect pair of jeans, or in my case, my Prince Charming (who is a tall, nerdy guy who has both brains, a sense of humor and is a sweetheart) rolls up in his white horse.

Now, I can probably hear my friends out there say no! Don’t give up! Keep on going out on dates.  To shut them up, I can assure you that I am not giving up. I am just taking that lunch break, because I am frustrated with trying on several different guys that do not feel right.

Let’s face it, dating is stressful (mostly for me, as dating me is the best experience that the guy can ever have). With that being said,dating is about the only way to try people on, just like the only way to get clothes is to face the harsh lights of the dressing room to try everything on. Both scenarios are stressful, but to get what you want, you have to deal with them.

With that being said, I am 22. I am still young, and have another 20 years before I need to take up knitting and adopt a bunch of cats. While I wait for my next boyfriend, I plan to hang out with the community of good friends, family and my dog. I plan to read all of the books I can get my hands on, I plan to explore and truly learn to be happy. I feel like there is a huge empathsis on dating, on having that relationship, that we often forget the most important thing is to love ourselves. That way, the relationship will be a healthy one, which is the kind of relationship that I want to have.

I don’t know when my next relationship will be, as my Magic 8 Ball refuses to tell me no matter how many times I shake it. But, util then, I loudly and proudly to Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’, and spend Saturday nights curled up with my dog Maggie (who is currently looking at me as if to say ‘hey sissy, are you almost done writing your blog entry?’) reading chic lit novels and living vicariously through their protagonists.

Relationships

I Don’t Owe You

As I mentioned in my last post, I am an avid user of several dating apps, such as Tinder and Ok Cupid. And, before I continue, these apps have put me in touch with some amazing people that I would not have met otherwise, something that I will forever be grateful for.

However, it has also put me in touch, as expected, with some pretty creepy ones as well.

Like recently.

A little while ago, I met (using the term loosely, as we never met in person) this guy named Harold (name has been changed to protect his privacy) on Ok Cupid. He seemed semi cute, so I figured I should at least talk to the guy. And, at first, he seemed halfway decent. I try to remain an optimist, and believe that there is good in everyone. Therefore, I give a lot of guys chances.

Soon, we switched to texting. And once we started to text, he would text me continuously, and I just was not feeling like I was attracted to him, which is my choice to make. Therefore, I stopped responding, and blocked his number because I did not want to talk to him.

And I had not heard from him, up until yesterday. I had woken up to a message saying “hey why haven’t you replied to my text?” While this is in fact a valid question to ask, I will give him that, I saw red. I want to hastily reply to him saying “well, I just didn’t want to.”

But, in the interest of being mature and all, I did not reply at all. Instead, I decided to express my feelings in a strongly worded blog post.

One thing that I really hate about the dating world is how some guys expect you to text them just because they texted you, just as some guys expect you to sleep with them just because they are nice to you. Uh, no thank you honey. If I am busy with school or writing a blog post, I am not going to drop what I am doing just to text you back the minute that you texted me. If do not want to continue a conversation with you, I am not going to waste my time buttering your ego to text you back. If I do not feel that I am ready to sleep with you, I am not going to just because you want that.

Yes, I am a bitch. But, I also request that I am treated like someone’s equal when I am dating someone. And guys, just because you are single and want to meet someone, does not mean that you should demand that a girl does whatever you want her to. I do not owe you anything, especially if we have not met or dated that long. I do not owe you a certain thing just because you want it.

I am tired of those expectations of the dating world. I am tired of guys thinking that they are God’s gift to women, and thus, think that they are entitled to anything that they desire. If I do not want to talk to you, date you, or sleep with you, it is my choice. And, you have to respect that. Do not demand things, that is not going to go over well with me. I don’t owe you anything. If I did, that would not be the type of relationship I want to be in, and the more you demand things from me, the less I am going to want to be with you.

Relationships

What I Hate About Dating

Ever since I got a Tinder, OK Cupid and a Bumble a few months ago, I have met a smorgasbord of eligible guys, aged 20-26 who are looking for Mrs. Right, or in some cases, Mrs. Right Now. So far, I have met two guys offline, dating one of them for an extended period of time, and am aspiring to meet more of them as time goes on.

As a continue to use these apps to find a partner, I am beginning to notice the many pressures that come with dating. There is a certain expectation that at a certain point, you are going to date that person. There is the expectation that you are going into a relationship, knowing exactly what you want.

My question is why?

I understand that part of dating is to find a potential mate for life. However, what I do in fact hate is how much pressure comes with dating. You have to look a certain way, and try to come off as pleasing for your partner. It is almost like a job interview, which is not in the least bit fun, because you are interviewing to find a partner of some sort. You go into a date with one end result in mind-to find a partner. Not to have a good time, and to focus on getting to know the person. And, I think that is crazy.

I think the point of dating is to have lots of fun and meeting people that you may or may not be compatible with . And, that is what I want to have whenever I go out with someone right now. I want to get to know someone, without the pressure of needing to define the relationship. I want to do fun things with them, like go out on coffee dates or hockey games, without worrying about the future.

I think we need to stop thinking about tomorrow, and putting too much pressure on something to work out. The more that you do, the less you are focused on getting to know that person. I think we as a society are focused more on coupling up, and less on the quality of the person that you are coupling up with. And, that is okay. But, racing to get to that point, just because you are anxious to avoid spending time alone? That is not okay.

Let us slow down, and focus more on the ride, and less on the race to the aisle. Breathe. The less you focus on getting a boyfriend, the higher the chances will be that you will get one. So, on your next date, have fun and leave the pressures at home.

Relationships

Why We Need To Change The Double Standards of Dating

Dating has come a long way since the days of courtship. Now, couples are meeting online, or on apps such as Tinder or Ok Cupid. Women pay their own way when it comes to meals. However, despite the progress that we have made as a society, I would like to talk about the double standards in the dating world today that still exist, as there are several.

One of the things I hate most about being a woman is the lack of inequality compared to men. This happens in many ways, shapes or forms.

The first is the perception that women are the objects that need to be chased, versus the ones that do the chasing. And, in some ways, I agree. I think that a guy should pursue the woman at the beginning and feel like he has to impress her. However, I do not think that a guy should be the only one who bears the responsibility to do the asking out. Let’s face it, guys are shy, and asking a woman out is a lot of pressure. With that being said, women should shoulder some of the responsibility of asking a guy out, if they like a guy. It’s not desperate. It’s asking for what you want and taking control of the situation, instead of waiting for something to pop out of the sky.

Secondly, we need to change the standards that we bear towards women when it comes to dating. If a guy has multiple partners or dates, it’s considered to be fine. If a woman goes out on dates with multiple guys, that means she’s a slut or a whore. And, that’s pretty dumb. If exclusivity has not been discussed, than both parties have the right to go out and date whoever they want to no matter what their gender is. If exclusivity has been discussed and the person still goes out on a date with someone else, than yeah that’s bad. Women have the right to date around just as much as men do, if they are free to do so. There’s nothing wrong with trying other people on, because when you’re young and unattached, it’s okay to experience many different things.

Finally, I would also like to address how women are sometimes perceived to men-sexual pieces of meats, never their equal that they respect. I’ve seen and experienced some men who demand things from their girlfriends or ask them to change who they are/something about their appearance. I’ve seen others treat their girlfriends like crap by demanding they stay home and tend to them, while the guy is out cheating on her with some other broad. However, what happens if a woman asks her boyfriend for something, or even reacting to the way that he’s treating her? Yup, you’ve got it-a slut, a crazy bitch, etc. And, that’s really unfair. While it’s okay to talk to a woman about how you’re feeling, it’s not okay for you to demand it. In 2016, women are no longer dependent on men, so she really doesn’t need you. So, treat her with respect, or at least don’t make her sit around at home while out with the boys. Furthermore, you also can not tell someone how they should dress/act/look, etc. In a relationship, it is not the job of the woman to just take care of the guy and morph to whoever he wants her to be. If a guy wants a woman to be a certain something, then he should just buy a Barbie doll.

Now that I’m done with my feminist rant, I want you all to think about your relationships, past and present. It’s 2016. We’re done with the days of women aspiring to be housewives, as there’s even a woman becoming president. I think it’s time we treat women with the same respect as men do, to allow them to date around without worrying about slut shaming, and to let them taking the damn wheel without worrying about being perceived as desperate.

All’s fair in love and war, but let’s make it even more fair.