Looking for a Valentine? This Could Be Why You’re Still Single.

Valentine’s Day is only a few weeks away, and the hunt is on to find your valentine. However, some people may be wondering why it’s difficult for them to find love.

But, let me say this. I fully believe that one doesn’t need to have a significant other to be happy. In fact, there’s a benefit to being single for an extended period of time. It gives you a chance to focus on yourself. This time is crucial, because you do need that time to do you. It gives you a chance to grow, find things that you love about you, and figure out what you want in life.

And, I will also add that everything truly happens for a reason. So, the reason why you are having trouble finding love could very well be that it’s not your time yet.

But, if you’re still trying to figure out why it’s hard for you to find a partner, here’s a few reasons why. However, I will point out that I am not an expert — just a casual observer. Therefore, take my suggestions with a grain of salt.

You’re too picky.

The number one reason why people have a hard time finding the right person? They are too darn picky! Which, don’t get me wrong, can be a good thing. You know what you want.

However, let me point this out — when one is so picky that they have a list a mile long of requirements in a partner, it could dismiss a thousand other equally awesome candidates because they don’t have that one.

So, if you fall into this category, go grab a pad and pen, and write a list of all your requirements for the perfect partner. Then, go through it. If there’s anything that involves looks, income or level of fanciness on the date, then delete it. But, keep anything that involves personality or the way that they treat you. Those are the important ones.

You’re not open to meeting people.

To find someone, you truly need to be open to meeting people. You can find people in a number of different ways. Sure, you can do the basics — you go to bars and go online. But, that only scratches the surface of finding a great partner.

With that being said, there’s so many other ways to cause you to meet people — whether it may be joining a club, taking a class, or even going to a book signing. Just being open to meeting people and being social is the perfect way to help you find a special someone.

You’re too desperate.

You can always tell when someone’s desperate to meet you — or anyone in general. Therefore, tone down your desperate to meet someone. Trust me, it’s a major turn off.

Furthermore, this desperateness leads to clingines. Also a turn off.

Therefore, balance your life with other things than finding a mate, and trust me, it will happen.

You’re negative.

Are you always complaining about someone? Or, is your Twitter compiled on negative tweets? Newsflash — not many people like to hear that negative. In fact, they tend to shy away from that.

So, do your best to try to think positively. Trust me, not only will you feel better, but you’ll attract positivity as well.

You think you’re too good for anyone.

It’s one thing to enjoy the finer things in life and that you deserve the best. It’s another to have the attitude that you’re the best thing since sliced bread. Chances are, if someone sees that, they are going to run the other way, because this screams high maintenance with big, bold, capital letters. And usually, that makes a guy run for the hills. 

Definitely a turn off.

So, while you may have a high opinion on yourself — just remember that you too have your faults.


It’s Takes Two To Tango

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the specific role that one plays in the relationship. What are the roles that I speak of? Well, you know. Those old fashioned ones, such as the man is the one that drives and pays.

Those are the ones that existed over fifty years ago. And, yes. As a woman, I will say it’s nice when a man does those things for me. In particular, the wooing stage of the relationship is when it’s crucial.

Let me ask you this though — what happens when you’re in a relationship? You know, a steady and stable relationship?

I think that’s the time when you begin to realize one thing — it should be 50/50. Relationships are a two way street. Both partners — no matter what their gender is — should want to put equal amount of effort into it. After all, if you both are in this thing together, you both should work at it together.

There are several ways to which this could be done. For example, you can rotate who does the driving and whoever doesn’t do the driving pays for the meal.The only exception to this would be if someone’s car is in the shop, or if it’s someone’s birthday. Or, you can both split the check — meaning that one person pays for dinner, and the other dessert. It depends on what works for your relationship, so it’s on a case by case basis.

Furthermore, I honestly don’t understand why those ideas exist in the first place. I think it’s important for both parties to go out of their way to make their special someone smile. That’s what keeps the relationship going and growing.

And, ladies let me ask you this — sure it’s important to be spoiled by your guy. But, he wants to be spoiled in return. And, he deserves it. After all, he’s a guy. Not a personal ATM. But, that’s a whole different argument altogether.

Therefore, I think if you’re going to be in a relationship — man, woman or agender — then you should be prepared for the effort it takes.

Whose Right and Whose Wrong?

Have you ever heard someone said that in a relationship, the woman always wins because she is always right — no matter what? I’ve been hearing that an awful lot lately, and to be honest, I don’t agree with that.


Because I’m a woman. And, I’ve been wrong on more than one occasion. And, to have a relationship where a partner feels like they have to give into their partner because they should be right isn’t the way a relationship should be. There are going to be instances where both parties are going to be wrong. That is perfectly okay.

Back in high school, I had this friend whose boyfriend was whipped — for lack of better word. He constantly had to agree with her, or else she would get mad. And, he had to check in with her whenever he wanted to do something.

Can I be honest? That’s not a healthy relationship if you have to submit to your girlfriend. Just saying. Your boyfriend is not a dog. He shouldn’t have to obey your every command. 

Going off of that, in relationships it’s really not about who is right or who is wrong — for me, anyways. It’s not about winning an argument. Instead, I think it’s about trying to understand the other person, and getting a better grasp on how to understand them.

You know that couple I mentioned earlier? Well, they would argue until the guy would give up and say you’re right honey. Then it would be all good with them.

Let’s face it — there is no such thing as a perfect relationship without argument. Every healthy relationship has them. But, the thing is, you’ve got to know how to argue productively.

But, wait. How do you argue productively?

Arguing productively means that instead of trying to be the person that is right, learning to understand your partner a little better. That means listening to them, and how they are feeling. That means using statements that begin with ‘I feel’ rather than accusatory ones. And, instead of it being a competition, the goal should be to come out of the argument a stronger couple.

Personally, that goal is a whole lot healthier than constantly having to say you’re right, honey all of the time. But, that’s just my opinion.

Can we just aspire to have healthy relationships and be merry?

Looking Past The Diamonds

If you know me well, you know that I absolutely love jewelry. I always have a ton of jewelry on, and I’m always buying something new to add to my collection. With that being said, I follow a lot of jewelry accounts on Twitter, because I’m going to be honest — I just really like shiny things.

A few days ago, I was scrolling through Twitter and saw the picture below. Basically, it was someone who posted a picture of a huge engagement ring, and the caption was ‘I can’t wait for this’ with the heart emoji.


I don’t know why, but that made me angry.

To be honest, I think that if someone is looking for her boyfriend to give her something — whether it’s a huge rock or even a huge thing of flowers — then they are dating or even marrying for the wrong reasons. When you’re dating someone, you’re dating because they love you. You are dating them because they are making you laugh. You are not dating someone because they can provide you with a huge diamond ring. You are not dating someone because they can buy you things.

If you are, then you are dating with the wrong intentions and the wrong reasons. You are looking for a bank account — not a boyfriend. If that’s what you’re looking for, then hey, more power to you. 

But, for me, if it were the right person, then the ring that they gave me really wouldn’t have mattered (just as long as I can wear it — I am actually allergic to nickel!). It’s sad that I feel like we look past that into what someone can give us to wear. And, while rings are pretty, nothing is quite as sparkly as one’s smile from being happy.

At the end of the day, though, love has no cost. Love shouldn’t be based on a dollar sign, or how much someone has in the bank. It should be based on their personality and the way that you make you feel. It bothers me to no end that there are still women out there that see it, because they are buying into the consumerism that has plagued the millennial culture.

After all, we’ve seen so many millennials post pictures and tweets about their ‘goals.’ I’ve noticed many of them are about having a significant other that just brings them things.

Now before you describe me as pessimistic, please hear me out. I am all about giving your significant other things — especially if you’re coming from a place where you’re just trying to make them smile. However, it shouldn’t be a thing where we’ve come to expect it from them — or that we have to have a certain thing that’s expensive.

Are we just a material world now?

Ladies, You Deserve Better

You stare at your phone, clicking the home button a thousand times. You’re waiting for a text — from him.

Who is this, you may ask? He’s the boy that makes you smile — the person that you need almost as if he was your drug, your nicotine. You need him to breathe, to function properly, to do anything without bursting into tears.

However, he holds out on you — he doesn’t call as often as he should, nor does he reply. So, you stare at your phone, and you wonder why. Why isn’t he texting you? Why isn’t he making an effort?

Meanwhile, he’s out there. He’s talking to other girls, maybe he’s with one of those girls right now as you tearfully await his reply. You like him. You want him. You want to be with him. However, he doesn’t — but he doesn’t admit it. So, you’re stuck in this cycle.

Does this sound familiar? Is this a description of your current love life and your current partner?

If you answered yes, then run — as fast as you can.

I went on a Twitter rant the other day about relationships and the toxic cycle that people often head down. I’ve included it below for you all to gain some insight.


I’ve seen so many friends fall down this rabbit hole. One friend in high school would be that friend who always had to be with her boyfriend, had her wedding planned out to the T, and you had to schedule girl time months in advance when you see her. And, when she’s not with that guy, then she’s glued to her phone, texting him constantly.

Or, you have that friend that is in an inbetweenship — the kind of relationship that has no labels for whatever reason (not ready for commitment, doesn’t want the label).

Basically, girls in this relationship are not seeing the light — and their worth.

The bottom line?

Everyone deserves someone that will treat them fairly. Everyone deserves someone who brings a smile on their face every time they walk in the room. Everyone deserves someone who treats them like they are royalty.

And, if you have to beg, chances are, this is not the relationship that you are meant to be in. You shouldn’t have to lower yourself to those standards and beg a guy to stay. He should want to on his own. 

Every damn human on this planet deserves that. And, it bothers me to no end that no one sees that deserve more than what they are getting — and are afraid to demand that they get it. And, if you ask me, that’s quite upsetting.

So, the next time anyone that you’re dating — no matter what gender you may be — treats you like this, know that you are worth more than that. And, don’t be afraid to walk. Chances are, when you do, you’ll find the perfect person that you rightfully deserve.

The Right Relationship Goals To Have

If you are on social media, I am sure that you are familiar with the hashtag, #RelationshipGoals. If you are not, let me fill you in: relationship goals are usually tweets or pictures — usually unrealistic — of a couple behaving in a certain way. For example, they usually consist of a guy showering a girl in some materialistic way.

Recently, I saw a tweet on Twitter about one girl’s relationship goals. They consist of: flowers and money for the girl to get a pedicure. Even though I wouldn’t necessarily condemn that, a part of me thought it was kind of nice. Don’t get me wrong — it’s easy to get your own pedicure. However, having a guy that showers you in that sort of way is completely heartwarming — and should go both ways.

But should those be relationship goals?


I think that having a relationship where your partner does things — from time to time — that make you smile is awesome. These are little things — like surprising them with their favorite food on a night that they are stressed out, buying flowers to celebrate an accomplishment (or just because), or writing a note to them. These little things are so important in a relationship, at least in my opinion.

But, should that be the only relationship goal that we have?

Absolutely not.

I think that the relationship goals that we have individually should differ from person to person. It should consist of the following: what you need in a relationship, qualities that your partner has, how you wish to be treated by your partner, and so on.

Those goals are so much more important than being surprised with a teddy bear. Having these goals in place when you’re dating is important so you can know what you want — and not settle for anything less.

And, let’s be honest. Dating is rough. By knowing what you want makes things a million times easier.


Ladies, Get Off Your High Heels

It’s 2017, yet there are so many old fashioned notions about dating that existed when my grandfather was courting my grandfather —  in the ‘50s.

Don’t be the one who pursues a guy, that looks desperate. Let him pursue you.

You shouldn’t kiss one a first date.

The guy should be the one paying.

Actually, I can sit here all day and name all of them out there. However, for time’s sake, I’ll leave it at those.

Dating has shifted in so many ways. What we call a relationship has shifted in so many ways as well — we have friends with benefits, bae, partner, and everything in between. Nowadays, Netflix and chill sessions are considered to be a date. Sad, but true. Even the way people are meeting has changed too — we’re using apps like Tinder and OkCupid in the attempts to find a mate.

While all of this change, I think the way that women should approach dating should. I think we should move towards more equality towards the sexes. I think that women should be able to make the first moves, if they want to. I think that they should text first, if they want to. I think they should ask the guy that they like out, not because they are desperate, but because they want to get to know that person.

I’m not going to lie — I think it’s nice when a guy wants to take the wheel and ask the girl out. It takes balls to do so. It’s nice to have a guy that tells you that he wants to go out with you, and wants to spend time with you.

I think though, by the guy doing all of the work, it can get frustrating on their part. That is similar to making the guy always pay. Sure, it’s a nice gesture especially in the beginning, but if you’ve been dating a while it gets expensive on their part. After all, boyfriends aren’t ATM machines. So, every once in awhile, I think women should further treat their fellas out for a nice dinner.

With that being said, aren’t relationships supposed to be mutual? If the guy and the girl both like each other, does it really matter who messaged who first, who pays or who asked the other to hang out? Because ladies, let’s face it — if we waited for men to read our minds, then we will be waiting an awfully long time. By having that equality helps each of you learn to love and respect the other for more than material goods and stupid protocol.

So, if Hillary won the popular vote, then you could surely take the plunge and ask that guy you’ve been flirting with for his number. It will have one of two outcomes — be a complete and total disaster or you’ll have his phone number.