It’s Takes Two To Tango

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the specific role that one plays in the relationship. What are the roles that I speak of? Well, you know. Those old fashioned ones, such as the man is the one that drives and pays.

Those are the ones that existed over fifty years ago. And, yes. As a woman, I will say it’s nice when a man does those things for me. In particular, the wooing stage of the relationship is when it’s crucial.

Let me ask you this though — what happens when you’re in a relationship? You know, a steady and stable relationship?

I think that’s the time when you begin to realize one thing — it should be 50/50. Relationships are a two way street. Both partners — no matter what their gender is — should want to put equal amount of effort into it. After all, if you both are in this thing together, you both should work at it together.

There are several ways to which this could be done. For example, you can rotate who does the driving and whoever doesn’t do the driving pays for the meal.The only exception to this would be if someone’s car is in the shop, or if it’s someone’s birthday. Or, you can both split the check — meaning that one person pays for dinner, and the other dessert. It depends on what works for your relationship, so it’s on a case by case basis.

Furthermore, I honestly don’t understand why those ideas exist in the first place. I think it’s important for both parties to go out of their way to make their special someone smile. That’s what keeps the relationship going and growing.

And, ladies let me ask you this — sure it’s important to be spoiled by your guy. But, he wants to be spoiled in return. And, he deserves it. After all, he’s a guy. Not a personal ATM. But, that’s a whole different argument altogether.

Therefore, I think if you’re going to be in a relationship — man, woman or agender — then you should be prepared for the effort it takes.

Guilt Manifesto

There are too many I wishes in life.

Too many regrets,

too much time reflecting on what could be done,

and moments where you wish you can do something differently.

 

I should have known this was going to happen.

I should have come by,

I should have said “I love you more,”

I should have tried to move on past 20 years of mistakes.

 

Only I did not.

Now it may be too late.

I remember why I’m angry,

and realize that maybe the angry isn’t worth it.

I realize that I may never get a chance to call you, or talk to you.

I realize that maybe I was wrong to push you away and dismiss you.

 

But, then I remember the fact you didn’t try to move past it too.

You still did your actions in an endless cycle.

You still took sides.

 

Maybe we’re both at fault here.

Maybe we’re the victims in the devil’s selfish war path.

Maybe we’re unsure how to act,

so we’re taking our sides based on what’s safe.

Maybe we’ll never be perfect,

but perhaps somehow we can erase the devil’s handiwork.

 

If we did it earlier, maybe we could have been better.

But the maybes in life are not reality.

But, that’s all we have left —

the comfort of what could have been.

 

If you ask me, it’s better than reality.

Don’t Knock It Til You Try It! Positive Thinking Really Works!

One of the biggest cliches out there is to stay positive whenever you’re having a bad day, and somehow things will get better. I always questioned that mentality. I mean, how could you maintain a positive attitude at all times? After all, there are some days that it can be difficult.

For example, yesterday I was having an awful day. I woke up and was feeling awful — I had a terrible stomach ache and had a headache. Despite my illness, I decided to go into work, and try my best at the tasks I was assigned to do.

It was a struggle, I will admit. However, deciding to just say hello to people and smile changed my entire outlook. I went out of my way to help others, whether it was holding doors for them or greeting strangers in a coffee shop. I kept on reminding myself that “while I feel like crap now, I will get through it and go home to rest.” And, I decided to treat myself to a nice lunch.

Those little things made a huge difference. While it didn’t change how I was feeling physically, it changed how I approached things. I think that’s crucial, because instead of dwelling on how I was feeling, I was focusing on doing something for the greater good and trying to feel good. It worked, because while I was still feeling awful, I attacked my day with a positive mindset. 

So, at the end of the day, we have those two options: to complain or try to be positive. For me, this seems to be the one that works much better. But, that’s just my opinion.

With that being said, it has become a pet peeve of mine when someone complains or continues to dwell on the negative. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not going to get much accomplished or even feel good if you continue to do so. Furthermore, if you’re not doing whatever your best to try to get to change that situation, chances are you’re going to continue to be in it.

So, with that being said, I invite you to look at things with a positive outlook like I did yesterday. And, while things might not be ideal right this second, give yourself the right tools to help you power through it. Chances are, you’ll have a sunnier outcome. 

Whose Right and Whose Wrong?

Have you ever heard someone said that in a relationship, the woman always wins because she is always right — no matter what? I’ve been hearing that an awful lot lately, and to be honest, I don’t agree with that.

Why?

Because I’m a woman. And, I’ve been wrong on more than one occasion. And, to have a relationship where a partner feels like they have to give into their partner because they should be right isn’t the way a relationship should be. There are going to be instances where both parties are going to be wrong. That is perfectly okay.

Back in high school, I had this friend whose boyfriend was whipped — for lack of better word. He constantly had to agree with her, or else she would get mad. And, he had to check in with her whenever he wanted to do something.

Can I be honest? That’s not a healthy relationship if you have to submit to your girlfriend. Just saying. Your boyfriend is not a dog. He shouldn’t have to obey your every command. 

Going off of that, in relationships it’s really not about who is right or who is wrong — for me, anyways. It’s not about winning an argument. Instead, I think it’s about trying to understand the other person, and getting a better grasp on how to understand them.

You know that couple I mentioned earlier? Well, they would argue until the guy would give up and say you’re right honey. Then it would be all good with them.

Let’s face it — there is no such thing as a perfect relationship without argument. Every healthy relationship has them. But, the thing is, you’ve got to know how to argue productively.

But, wait. How do you argue productively?

Arguing productively means that instead of trying to be the person that is right, learning to understand your partner a little better. That means listening to them, and how they are feeling. That means using statements that begin with ‘I feel’ rather than accusatory ones. And, instead of it being a competition, the goal should be to come out of the argument a stronger couple.

Personally, that goal is a whole lot healthier than constantly having to say you’re right, honey all of the time. But, that’s just my opinion.

Can we just aspire to have healthy relationships and be merry?

The Story of a Relationship

 

Begin.

It was an early crisp fall day.

Some say that January 1st is the day of new beginnings.

I think that the new school year is a time of tabula rasa.

You sat right next to me.

One day, you said hi.

I wondered if you were always sitting there.

Or, were you something that I noticed now that the surroundings have become familiar?

I didn’t know that by a simple breath, a simple hello.

That I didn’t want to ever say good-bye to you.

 

Will you ask me?

Will you ask me to be your girlfriend?

Will you ask me to the movies, where who knows what happens in the dark?

Will you do more than gaze at me and never let your feelings known?

What are we?

Are we more than friends?

You smell awfully nice for me to be just a friend.

You paid for my ticket.

What the hell is going to happen next?

 

The day after December.

I went to your house.

My friend drove me.

Your friend liked her.

For the first time, I thought that maybe this could be something.

I wondered what was going to happen next as you hugged me goodbye.

And comforted me later, as I cried.

You were something.

 

You suddenly began slipping away.

It was gradual.

I started to notice.

I wondered if it was because of me.

Or was it because of the ghost that haunts your closet.

The demons were too strong for me to compete.

So I took a step back.

Noticed how much you truly were eclipsed with a sea of darkness.

I wanted to be your superhero.

I wished I could take it all away.

However, the battle was meant for you to fight.

I didn’t know when to run.

All of the signals were there.

Yet, I was too stupid to ignore them.

It took one sentence to change my mind about you.

Someone who I thought was good and pure.

Someone who I thought would always have something nice to say.

 

I didn’t want to think about you.

It hurt that I choose someone who wasn’t you.

It felt like I wasn’t good enough for someone perfect.

I wondered would I ever find that complete perfection?
Or would it be something that I would look at through a glass?

I didn’t know if I ever would achieve that.

 

I avoided you.

I avoided thinking about you.

If I saw you, I would run away.

That got old.

So, one day I approached you.

I faced my fear head on.

 

I then wondered what I saw in you.

I look back and feel like that was a lifetime ago.

I managed to come back from you, forever realizing that you are vanilla.

Yes you were perfect.
But your perfection was a result of striving to be perfect.

I will no longer be haunted by your memory.

And, I am now over the blue eyes I once thought were attractive.

Our story is over.

But my own is still happening.

What’s Wrong With Taking a Bubble Bath?

Recently, I read quite a few articles about self care being more than just bubble baths. While I agree with that, I must bring up one important question — what’s wrong with taking baths to help you get to self care?

My answer? Absolutely nothing.

But, let me say this: it is definitely more than a bubble bath.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I can incorporate self care in my daily routine. Self care is the psychological equivalent to taking your vitamins and drinking water. If you don’t do it, chances are that you’ll end up an awful human being. Well, not awful, but someone who is stressed out and depressed.

Furthermore, let me also add this — self care is the thing that we use to keep us healthy in a holistic sense. It’s about going to your therapist if you need to see one. It’s about learning to set boundaries, making time to work out, and choosing a salad every once in a while.

Self care is something that differs from person to person. For me, self care consists of curling up with a good book in the morning to enjoy with my coffee. For me, self care is getting a discounted bath bomb from Marshalls and relaxing for ten minutes. For me, self care is writing my blog posts and writing my stories. It is about taking a breather from my daily responsibilities for two minutes and taking a moment for myself, and not feeling bad about doing so.

I think we need to learn how to take that breather. But, we also need to learn how to get to a point where we are truly taking care of ourselves and trying to make sure that we are taking those crucial steps to get there.

And for some, that might very well mean a bubble bath with a candle.

I’m relaxing just typing those words.

So, the moral of the story?

Don’t discount the bubble baths as a method of self care.

Top 13 Of My Favorite Song Lyrics

Song lyrics are their own breed of poetry. While most of the music in today’s music (at least in my opinion), is geared towards radio plays, there’s something about a song that holds poetic and is beautiful meaning. Lyrics often have the power to inspire you to get through what’s bothering you, or to relate to whatever is bothering you.

Over the years, there are many lyrics that have continued to touch me or really capture me. So, I’ve decided to compile them in this list.

  1. I won’t break/I won’t bend/But someday soon we’ll sail away/to innocence/and the bitter end — Simple Life — Elton John
  2. If our love is a circus, then you’d be a clown by now — I’m Still Standing — Elton John
  3. You got to lose to know how to win — Dream On — Aerosmith
  4. I never thought I’d lose/I only thought I’d win/I never dreamed I’d win/I never dreamed I’d feel/this fire beneath my skin/I can’t believe you love me/I never thought you’d come/I guess I misjudged love/between a father and his son — The Last Song — Elton John
  5. You write such pretty words/but life’s no storybook — Lover I Don’t Have To Love — Bright Eyes
  6. I am human and I need to be loved just like everyone else does — How Soon Is Now? — The Smiths
  7. It’s always darkest before dawn — Shake It Out — Florence and the Machine
  8. I can get by without a man’s wealth/I could do bad my damn self — Il Na Na — Foxy Brown
  9. I’ve poured out the pleasure/dealt with the pain/standing in a station/waiting in the rain/I’m starting to feel a little muscle/love is lost like a runaway train — Runaway Train — Elton John
  10. I’d believe in anything were it not for you/showing me by just existing this is true/I love you, I love you/without question/that’s true — Without Question — Elton John
  11. I believe in love/love is all we got/love has no borders/no boundaries to cross — Believe — Elton John
  12. And suddenly I’m flying/flying like a bird/like electricity, electricity/sparks fly inside of me/and I’m free, I’m free — Electricity — Elton John
  13. You tell me it gets better, it gets better with time/you tell me put myself together/pull it together/you’ll be fine/tell me what the hell do you know/what do you know/how could you know — Til It Happens To You — Lady GaGa