self love

#Ilovemyself Is Trending On Twitter and It’s The Greatest Thing Ever

This morning, I logged into Twitter to see the hashtag #ilovemyself trending. And, I couldn’t help but get so excited over it. And seeing some of this tweets are amazing, you all. If you haven’t, be sure to search it on Twitter.

In my opinion, self love is something that is completely and utterly underrated. We simply don’t love ourselves enough.  On a daily basis, you hear people cut into themselves — and sometimes others — simply because they are insecure with themselves. Their insecurities could stem for a number of reasons — from someone not liking the way that they look to their weight. Whatever the reason is, there is certainly not enough self love going around, and I’m tired of it.

We need to learn how to love ourselves. We need to learn to fall head over heels in love with ourselves, because we should. Each and every one of us is a unique and awesome being. Each and every one of us is someone who shares joy and passion about something, whether it’s music, literature, movies or art. We are all beautiful.

And therefore, each and every person on Twitter should send a tweet to proclaim their love for themselves. They truly deserve it.

With that being said, I am going to share with you the reasons why #ilovemyself.

#Ilovemyself because I am a strong person who can see the light in any kind of darkness.

#Ilovemyself because I am not afraid to assert myself to get my message across and my needs met.

#Ilovemyself because I continue to advocate for change, and promote awareness for anxiety, as well as women’s rights and mental health awareness.

#Ilovemyself because I am a beautiful being, who continues to grow every single day.

And lastly, #Ilovemyself, because I learned that I am wonderful person who deserves to be loved. As the Smiths sing “I am human and I deserve to be loved, just like everyone else does.”

So do you.

Today, tweet about why you love yourself. Because you should shout from the world the reasons why you need to be loved.



Why I Think We Post Too Much

As a journalist, I use social media to live tweet events and share links to my articles. As a millennial, I use social media to update everyone who may care about the daily events in my life — something cute that my dog did, if I’m going out with a friend and doing something fun, or if I’m eating something that looks so delicious I want to share it with the rest of the world. You betcha, it’s going onto the gram.

I’m not the only who tweets, posts, and selfies. Every few hours, I check my social media — Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram — to see what everyone in my circle is up to. And sometimes, it can be like information overload. Someone posts a status because they are feeling sad, personally victimized by someone, heartbroken, or posts a selfie every few days of you making the same old duck face.

Selfie, or it didn’t happen. Right?

With that being said, let me just say that I have a bone to pick with my fellow millennials — that bone is that certain things really should stay off of the digital world. While social media is a great tool for many reasons, I believe it can be a weapon of mass destruction when used incorrectly.

I’m talking about the private stuff, such as breakups and fights. Sure, it’s can feel amazing in the moment to post a status — dramatic or just venting. But, take a second. Think about who is going to read that status. And, most importantly, think about how it makes you look. If you are calling someone a derogatory name (use your imagination here, people) in a very public setting like Facebook, it doesn’t make people see your point. Instead, it appears that you’re stirring up some trouble or immature.

The same thing happens when you post about being heartbroken. Whenever I see someone writing a status online about how heartbroken they are, I can’t give an ounce of sympathy to them. Why? Because they are using Facebook — a public forum — to talk about private feelings. And chance are, probably looking for the person who broke their heart to change their mind.

Here’s my theory: if you need to vent, text a friend. If you have the urge to write a long status about things that are upsetting you, instead of getting out your phone, get out a pen and paper and journal.

However, with that being said, I see a lot of great people use social media on a daily basis in awesome ways. I use it to promote my blog posts and articles. My friend’s dad — who is a pastor — uses it as a diary to tell the story of his day-to-day activities. One of my friends uses Instagram to show off her amazing photographs Another friend of mine posts about what he’s doing in his radio career on a daily basis.  And, my co-workers use social media everyday to tell the world what they are doing. And that is awesome. That is how social media should be used.

I think that if you are using social media to talk about positive and meaningful things, versus starting drama, then you are doing it right. So, this is why you’ll see my only dog on my Instagram.

Oh, and are we following each other on Instagram? No? You should totally follow me. 


Ladies, Get Off Your High Heels

It’s 2017, yet there are so many old fashioned notions about dating that existed when my grandfather was courting my grandfather —  in the ‘50s.

Don’t be the one who pursues a guy, that looks desperate. Let him pursue you.

You shouldn’t kiss one a first date.

The guy should be the one paying.

Actually, I can sit here all day and name all of them out there. However, for time’s sake, I’ll leave it at those.

Dating has shifted in so many ways. What we call a relationship has shifted in so many ways as well — we have friends with benefits, bae, partner, and everything in between. Nowadays, Netflix and chill sessions are considered to be a date. Sad, but true. Even the way people are meeting has changed too — we’re using apps like Tinder and OkCupid in the attempts to find a mate.

While all of this change, I think the way that women should approach dating should. I think we should move towards more equality towards the sexes. I think that women should be able to make the first moves, if they want to. I think that they should text first, if they want to. I think they should ask the guy that they like out, not because they are desperate, but because they want to get to know that person.

I’m not going to lie — I think it’s nice when a guy wants to take the wheel and ask the girl out. It takes balls to do so. It’s nice to have a guy that tells you that he wants to go out with you, and wants to spend time with you.

I think though, by the guy doing all of the work, it can get frustrating on their part. That is similar to making the guy always pay. Sure, it’s a nice gesture especially in the beginning, but if you’ve been dating a while it gets expensive on their part. After all, boyfriends aren’t ATM machines. So, every once in awhile, I think women should further treat their fellas out for a nice dinner.

With that being said, aren’t relationships supposed to be mutual? If the guy and the girl both like each other, does it really matter who messaged who first, who pays or who asked the other to hang out? Because ladies, let’s face it — if we waited for men to read our minds, then we will be waiting an awfully long time. By having that equality helps each of you learn to love and respect the other for more than material goods and stupid protocol.

So, if Hillary won the popular vote, then you could surely take the plunge and ask that guy you’ve been flirting with for his number. It will have one of two outcomes — be a complete and total disaster or you’ll have his phone number.


The Evolution of My Opinions of Carrie Bradshaw

I feel like I owe Carrie Bradshaw a thank you note. She is one of my inspirations that got me into blogging over seven years ago, where I would question the high school dating scene by contemplating nearly everything that happened to me. Back then, I would write about whether or not someone actually liked me based on their actions, despite them not actually liking me.

Seven years later, I’m still blogging, but the subjects of my posts differ. Instead of concentrating heavily on dating, my posts have shifted to talking about mental illness, current events, feminism, and so forth. However, I’d like to believe that my ‘columns’ or blog posts are a modern version of Sex and the City.

Recently, Sex and the City celebrated 19 years since its debut on HBO. Upon hearing that, it instantly put me in the mood to watch a few episodes.

As I rewatched the show, I realized that my perception of the characters has changed. This makes sense, because I first watched the show when I was 16 years old. For example, when I first watched the show, I thought that Bradshaw was relatable to all of the single women who weren’t going to settle for anything less than the butterflies that come along with real love. However, watching it again, I thought that while I could relate to some of the problems that she goes through, i.e. why won’t Mr. Big put a ring on it/it sucks being single, she seemed narcissistic and immature.

Every episode of the show, Carrie has a problem, and her friends constantly have to hear her bitch about it during their lunches, usually cutting them off from one of their problems. While listening to your friend’s problems and lending a supportive ear is all part of being a good friend, after a while, I felt that if I were one of the other three ladies, I probably would have told her to shut up about Mr. Big.

Which leads me to my next point.

When it came to Carrie’s relationships, the big (get it) problem was that Big was Carrie’s problem. Carrie constantly fell into the trap that so many women before her have fallen into — the relationship is always on his terms, the guy won’t commit, etc. She was always insecure, and constantly needed reassurance from her partners.

However, I believe that some of the relationship’s problems were caused by Carrie. Remember when she thought he was shutting her out because she farted in bed? She then decided to show up to his place unannounced, where he was watching the game. Carrie then wanted him to focus on her, which of course he wasn’t, and resulted in her being upset. I think that she shouldn’t have the right to be, since he was just watching a game, and it had absolutely nothing to do with his feelings for her.

With that being said, many real human beings have their own flaws, so I won’t hold it against Miss. Bradshaw for having her own.

However, despite the change in my opinions about Miss. Bradshaw, I still love the show. That show is definitely one of the most relatable shows for women in their teens through 40’s. I believe that it helped contribute to shift of female empowerment, as well as really helped women become more comfortable talking about women’s issues that those women did. And, in all honesty, it’s a good show.

And despite the changes of my opinion of her character, I still have Carrie to thank, though. Without Carrie, there wouldn’t be no blog post for you to read today. Without Carrie, I wouldn’t want to write, and I wouldn’t have an obsession with my initials. (Does anyone besides me want a Carrie-style name necklace?) Without Carrie, I wouldn’t have chosen to study journalism to become a writer. 

So, with that being said, thank you Carrie. You have become the face of the single woman, all who are people who are just looking for love.


The Man Factor

Since my last relationship ended in August of last year, I decided to take a time out from dating for a period of time. It turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. I began to fall in love with myself, something that is more important than having an ‘in a relationship status’ on Facebook or a Man Crush to post about every Monday if people even post about them anymore.

During that time, I embarked on a journey of self-reflection and growth – kind of like Eat Pray Love without the travel. I learned to be okay with going to coffee shops alone, I learned to go on long hikes with only my iPhone for company, and I began to expand my social circle. I joined a book club, meet friends through a local worship service, and just became comfortable with who I was as a person.

This sounds cliché, but it was just what the doctor ordered. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am in a place where having a boyfriend is nothing but an extra, not something I need like oxygen. Truth be told, I don’t need a guy to feel awesome. And, that is everything.

Right now, I’m in a place in my life where I want to enjoy every second that I can. I want to wander through unknown territories, I want to try new cupcake shops, and I want to enjoy the people I spend my time with, whether they may be friends or lovers. It’s not like I’m chasing away the idea of having a boyfriend – I’m learning to live life in a way that he’s dessert, not the main course.

And for those who ask me to the question don’t you want a boyfriend, here’s my answer: I’m not waiting around for Prince Charming to get his act together, and ride his white horse. Sorry.

However, there are some people who think that just because you don’t have a boyfriend, a pending relationship, or even someone that you’re ‘talking’ to, it means that you are missing something in the equation. And, for some, that may be the case. But, for me, not so much.

Throughout my time alone, I’ve given a lot of thought about the type of relationship I want and the type of guy I deserve. I’m going to share those thoughts with you now, in case you’re interested.

I am looking for the best and nothing less. Why? Because I deserve it. I deserve a guy that will bring me flowers, one that isn’t afraid to pick me up at home and shake hands with my mother. I deserve a guy that takes me to the movies, to dinner, anywhere pretty much that’s not his bed. I deserve real dates, not just a Netflix and Chill session in your bed. I deserve someone will treat me like I am the best damn thing that happened to me, because trust me, I am. And, I am not afraid to ask for it.
I’m also not afraid to demand what I want. I want someone who respects me, and my friends. I want someone who is not afraid to proclaim his feelings for me. I want nights of great conversation and to spend a good length of time getting to know this imaginary Prince Charming before committing. I want someone who makes me grin like an idiot, and someone who makes me laugh.

And, I’m going to hold out until I meet this person, because not only do I deserve it, but I respect myself enough to not settle for anything less.

At the end of the day, I’ve learned to not be afraid of being alone. I learned not to be afraid to tell someone what I want. And, most importantly, I learned that I deserve to be happy more than I need to find someone to call bae.