Define the Relationship (DTR): When two people discuss their mutual understanding of a romantic relationship.
Nowadays, there are so many labels to a relationship – boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, friends with benefit – that it can make anyone’s head spin. With every relationship, comes two things – commitment and mutual understanding.
I began to think about the concept of dating, relationships, and the ultimate label that every girl that I know craves – boyfriend.
But, my question is, what does it mean to have a boyfriend?
When someone is in a boyfriend/girlfriend/or in a relationship that is similar, both parties agree to a monogamous relationship and have a mutual understanding of such. They are committed to being with each other solely for the time being. There is also a mutual love and attraction shared between the two parties, and thus, both a committed to giving it the proper nutrition for it to grow.
When someone is in this sort of committed relationship, I believe that there is a lot of communication that occurs. For example, asking your partner some of these questions — what makes you happy? What can I do to make you happy? What is something that may otherwise prevent you from having a relationship, such as divorced parents or a terrible relationship? – are some that often occurs. When you do something that hurts the person that you are with, what is something that you can do to help mend that hurt? Basically, there’s a lot of talking.
I recently began to think about what it means to have a boyfriend, and the whole meaning behind the word. In our society, there is a huge pairing between the words ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ and ‘commitment,’ as the connotation of having a boyfriend is loyalty. By having a boyfriend, you are committed, and there’s no other ways around that.
However, I began to question the label and the importance that we stress upon it. There are so many people out there – on dating apps, friends, etc. – who desperately search for a boyfriend/girlfriend as if they were lost in the desert without food. While to each their own, I think that by looking for only that limits your sight, and speeds things up. Having the relationship that you crave requires time, love and tenderness, and does not happen overnight people. You need to get to know your potential partner before slapping a label on it.
My personal conclusion on the label is that it shouldn’t matter, and should not be the central focus on a relationship. Call me a hippie or someone that simply wants to have a relationship that has a recipe set up for disaster. But, hear me out for a second.
As I mentioned a moment ago, slapping a label on the relationship too soon causes both parties to feel pressured. The movies, at least the ones that I watch, often portray relationships as whirlwind, and the couple often is together within the timeframe of the movie. That’s not how it works, sorry to say.
To fall in love with someone, you need to truly get to know someone – sexually, personally or both depending on your beliefs and comfort levels. I think each couple has to have deep conversations with that person, learn their ins and out, and just spend sometime together in that regard – without worrying about the l word.
But, but, but, what about the commitment factor?
I think by my description of a healthy relationship, that the label will come naturally — when each party is ready for that commitment.
And, when the relationship reaches that stage, it will thus be strong and have the foundation to blossom into something bigger.
So, as many of you rush into a summer romance, I invite you to throw out the need for a definition of what the relationship is, and instead focus on the person and how you feel. Chances are, eventually, it will all fall into place.