Method Behind the Madness

About a few days ago, I was sitting in bed with my dog when I suddenly felt something. No, it wasn’t some weird shooting pain or a realization, but a strong urge.

Shall I leave you in suspense? Can you guess what I felt?

No?

Okay, fine. I’ll tell you.

I felt the urge to date.

Now, many of you know my opinions of my relationship status. I can imagine you all as you’re reading this gathering together and singing a collective Hallejuh, and maybe even recruiting Julie Andrews to sing “The hills are alive . . .”

Maybe I’m being a bit dramatic, but I’ve felt an incredible amount of pressure to find a plus one since my previous relationship ended in August. Almost immediately, I felt almost as if I had said “I’m not ready now,” then I would be attacked for not moving on fast enough. Oh, so this nice guy likes me and wants to date me?!?! Should I jump up and down with excitement, stop what I’m doing, and just be there?

Uhm, hello. No thank you. Who made you the decision maker on what works for me? That position is filled, so I suggest you stop trying to make that choice.

Until now, I had felt that dating was something I did because I was forced to because it was good for me — similar to going to the Dentist. Wait, going to the dentist isn’t that fun?

Well, neither was going on a date.

I actually went on a few dates with some guys, all unsuccessful. And you want to know why?

Of course you do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be sitting here and reading this blog post.

It’s because I wasn’t ready to date. The motivation for me going on those ill fated dates wasn’t because I wanted to get to know the stranger I have been texting. It wasn’t because I wanted to date. It was to shut up everyone who had an opinion about my dating life.

And, that’s not a very good reason to date.

Now, as I finally feel ready to even consider letting another person into my life or even go out on a date without feeling the urge to run away and hide from them, I feel dating is less like an obligation. Plot twist: I feel like it could even be fun!

Although I don’t have any interested parties (other than the guys who keep on texting me and I keep on ignoring), I do know that this will be different than the first few dates I went on all of those months ago.

This time, I won’t be lying to myself or that other person. This time, I truly feel ready to begin dating, to begin the possibility of finding another partner. This time, I am not basing my decision on looking at all of the happy couples on social media, and whining that I am not in the happy couple club.

And you know what? I feel happy, even excited about it!

Yes, it took a lot of time to get to this point. I am not sorry that I took the time that I needed to heal and to feel better. It taught me to listen to myself, my needs, and my wants. I grew, and thought about what I wanted in a relationship and in a partner. And although I am still single as I type these words, I know that when I sit across the lucky fella in a café, I know that he will be someone awesome and worth the wait.

Now, time to enter the Hunger Games . . . Wait, I mean the dating world. Same thing, right?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s