This past week, I’ve experienced numerous endings, as both my relationship and a one of my jobs had ended. Actually, past week is an understatement, as both endings have occurred in the span of an hour.
Yeah, you can say that it was an interesting week.
In the past, having that all happened to me at once would have signaled the symptoms of a panic attack and anxiety. However, I remained pretty calm, and in control. (Well, I started to cry, but that’s pretty normal for a breakup) Then, I put in a phone call to my therapist, asking her to move my appointment to the next day.
In her office, I replayed the events that happened over the past 24 hours. I told her that I was allowing myself to grieve, so I can feel the emotions that I needed to before I decided to move on from my relationship. I told her that I knew that I knew that the overwhelming sadness I was feeling (and currently feeling) will eventually go away, and I will never say that my now ex-boyfriend is a terrible person, despite how hurt I felt at the time.
From that, we transitioned to discussing how I transformed from my first intake session to the person sitting in her chair today. That person, she said wouldn’t have looked at things in the same healthy manner that she did. That person would have given up, and have fallen apart.
I am proud to say that I am not that person. I am proud to say that I’ve grown, learned to take care of myself, learned to stand my ground, and learned to love myself. I’ve surrounded myself with friends that not only cheer me on, but (especially in the last five days), have become people who I know can lean on.
And that’s pretty freaking great.
And that’s why this ending is just a beginning. Right now, I’m healing. I have good days, and some bad ones too. That is to be expected. However, now there are so many opportunities headed my way and I couldn’t be more grateful. I’ve accepted a new position at a new newspaper. As for the boyfriend thing, I’ve decided to take some time and really work towards living a life that makes me happy. This means surrounding myself with people, exercising the ever-so important self care practices and really getting to know myself. I’m taking the time to heal from the wounds from my previous relationship, and realizing that not all guys out there are bad (even my ex, who isn’t really a bad person). With that, I’m going to grow into a stronger individual.
I’m going to close this entry with some lyrics from a Kelly Clarkson song that I’ve really enjoyed listening to these past few days, and hope that readers find some sort of inspiration from it as well: “you know in the end, the day you left was just a mild beginning.”
Here’s to mild beginnings and the start of new blogs.